How To Cut Ties With A Toxic Family Member
There are no instructions or "how to" guides on cutting ties with a family member, and protecting your overall sanity located here on the World Wide Web, so today I'm coming in hot with my best tips on how to begin the process of change. Having a toxic person in your life, is hard especially when that person is a mother, father, sister or brother but usually it's a person near and dear to your heart....which sucks even more. When it comes down to it, if someone makes you feel at all drained of your energy, it's time to do an honest assessment if that relationship is worth while.
For years I had been caught in an ugly cycle between these two thoughts:
1. No matter what happens, this is my family, and I will forgive and make amends, because you only get one set of parents, and siblings.
2. Someone who poisons my mental state and overall wellbeing has no place in the happy, healthy life I am trying to create.
That right there, is what has lead me to the conclusion I have made, in one years time.
Sharing a bloodline means nothing when someone is a leech, sucking all emotion, and life out of you. You can spend your life trying to rationalize and do the whole "forgive & forget" thing, or you can spend your life doing your best to be the healthiest, happiest version of yourself imaginable.
I had spent years exhausting all efforts to try and salvage this relationship, and despite my best efforts, it crumbled. Deciding my own happiness was worth more, made all the difference. It was truly that simple.
Today I have gathered my best pieces of advice regarding the subject, it is my hope if you are going through a situation like this, you find solace in knowing you're not alone.
How To Cut Ties With A Toxic Family Member
- Remove them from your life, AKA cut ties. I know this may seem hard, very hard but it's essential to your overall sanity. For years, I've put up with one, super toxic family member, and it was like riding a roller coaster ride everyday, not knowing if they're happy, or angry and for me, that was enough to say: enough is enough. For me, it took moving cross country to officially cut ties with that person all together. Sometimes it takes a bigger shift or a significant catalyst to cue change in ones life.
- Limit contact. This is in your hands. We live in a day and age where texting, calling, Snap-Chatting and Face-time is easily accessible to anyone. Luckily with IPhones, or any phone really there's a great tool where it allows you to block all interaction with a phone number...ahem, blocking someone. If someone is bothering you, or repeatedly calling you, by all means, take it into your own hands and block them. You owe it to yourself, and your sanity to take control of your life and begin to lead a happy life, free from negativity, and toxic relationships.
- Be honest with them. When someone has a negative impact on your life, your energy begins to change. When you see or interact with that person, it can make you cringe, bring anger, and welcome all types of unwanted emotions into your life. At that point, just being open and honest with that person, friend, or family member that they open up a pool of negative emotion may help them to redirect or change their way of thinking. Clearing the air, or just simply putting all of your feelings on the table may bring a great deal of relief and much needed peace of mind.
- Don't try to fix them. When someone if fighting an internal battle, there is simply NOTHING you can do for them. Like a friend trying her best to mend a dead-end relationship work, it is simply exhausting and not worth the effort. A toxic person lives in a world of negativity and drama, so trying to "fix" them, is nearly impossible. It is truly all mental, and the only person that can change the way they thing, is them.
- What you allow is what will continue. The thing to ask yourself, is would you allow your sister/daughter/husband/wife ect. to put up with emotional abuse? Would you allow them to continually be trapped in a vicious cycle of pain? By allowing a toxic person in your life, to stir up drama, and manipulate you, you are allowing their behavior to continue. At some point, it's essential to reevaluate if this person is bringing you joy, or any type of happiness to you life, and if they aren't, it's time to take action.
Do you have a toxic person in your life? How do you deal with their behavior?